Mom Finds Weird Lump In Bathroom, Has No Idea What It Really Is

Mom Finds Weird Lump In Bathroom, Has No Idea What It Really Is

Revelation

Biscuits And Crazy

When those seemingly innocent words came out of her little girl's mouth, she recoiled in horror. She started to see black spots in her vision and thought she would black out from the sheer revulsion of her realization: she had been had been fondling the "soap" for a whole day. She whipped it out of her toddler's hands and flung it away, and then her daughter started to shriek.

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Biscuits And Crazy

Facebook/Ashford Evans

Ashford Evans, a mother of three, was no stranger to the weird objects her children brought home. She keeps a blog called Biscuits And Crazy, where she describes their day-to-day antics. From cringe-worthy (when her kids managed to sneak a dying turtle into the house) to utterly disgusting (kids sampling the cat litter tray's contents), she had seen it all. But They had never done something quite like this.

Meeny Brings Something Home

Facebook/Ashford Evans

Ashford's three-year-old son, Meeny, as he is affectionately called, had happily returned from the local gym where he was taking Tae Kwon Do lessons three times a week. Nobody except Eeny, his little sister, knew that he had something in his backpack that would send his shattered mom reeling just 24 hours later.

Meeny's Prize

Facebook/Ashford Evans

Three-year-old Meeny was absolutely enamored with the strange object he had found. He inspected its withered surface and held it up to his face lovingly. He loved the way its waxy roundness fitted in his hand, but that wasn't even the best part. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, flaring his little nostrils. He had no idea that this innocent- looking object would send his mom over the edge.

End Of A Long Day

Facebook/Ashford Evans

Ashford arrived late from a business meeting to a quiet house. She relished the rare times she had alone as she had so few of them. She had thirstily consumed two Big Gulps on her drive back from the airport, so as she walked into the hallway she dumped her luggage on the floor and rushed to the bathroom. As she hastily entered the bathroom, an overwhelming scent hit her.

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Following The Scent

Facebook/Ashford Evans

Curious, she followed the trail of the heady smell. It smelled vaguely familiar, and then she realized that it was citrus. Following the scent, her eyes finally picked out the source, and she saw the new object almost immediately. There, in one of the kids' favorite cereal bowls, was a misshapen, bright orange lump, sitting on the bathroom shelf.

A Mystery

Facebook/Ashford Evans

Ashford was perplexed. Where had this thing come from? She picked it up and rubbed her thumb along its surface. It left a waxy residue on her hands. She brought it close to her face and breathed in its wonderful aroma - and she recognized it as the smell of fresh grapefruit. It was absolutely heavenly. But when she remembered how she had handled it so unwittingly later, she would wish desperately that she hadn't.

Returning Throughout The Night

Facebook/Ashford Evans

Ashford continued to wonder about the mysterious and fragrant lump in the bathroom, returning to it frequently to handle it and to take whiffs of its delightful smell throughout the night. Perhaps it was an old soap that she had forgotten that she had. Her children had a habit of digging out forgotten household objects and leaving them out for her to find. The next day Ashford had a busy morning, and the mysterious lump was forgotten.

Realization

Facebook/Ashford Evans

Eeny emerged with the bar pressed to her little face. She was taking big, gulping breaths as she held it to her lips, enjoying the scent and exclaiming “This is my favorite. I love the way this smells.” Then Ashford asked the fateful question, innocently enough, "What IS that? Where did you guys get that?” - and she wasn't prepared for the answer. It was utterly disgusting...unbelievable! but it was already too late.

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The Truth

Facebook/Ashford Evans

The words that left little Eeny's mouth were: “Meeny found it in the boys bathroom at Tae Kwon Do and brought it home.” Ashford weighed the situation in her head in an instant, and all the time she had spent fondling the "soap" and pressing it to her nose came back to her in a flash as the revolting truth dawned on her: the lump was no boutique soap. It was a used urinal cake.

Decisive Action

Facebook/Ashford Evans

Ashford was stunned by revulsion, but she acted with lightning speed. In an instant, her hand lashed the "soap" out of Eeny's little hands and threw it violently into the trashcan. Eeny, with her favorite plaything snatched away, started howling. She had a face full of anger as fat droplets of indignant tears rolled down her reddened baby cheeks.

Contamination

Facebook/Ashford Evans

After her violent outburst, Ashford realized that the nauseating grapefruit scent had permeated throughout the entire house. She thought about all the hands, her own and her children's, that had touched every surface and had contaminated the entire house. She thought about the urine from 1000 strangers that had soaked into the urinal cake and realized that it now coated everything, and she dry-heaved. The mother of three was left with two choices...

Choices

Facebook/Ashford Evans

Ashford writes of the harrowing incident in her blog, Biscuits And Crazy: "So clearly our options were 1. Burn the house to the ground or 2. Pretend like it never happened and drink a bottle of wine [or two]. I’ll leave you guessing as to which I chose." - and it's rather obvious as to which course of action she took.

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Solidarity

Facebook/Ashford Evans

The post in Ashford's blog has received an overwhelming flood of comments, ranging from words of support to hilarity. Emily Lambert writes: "HAHAHAHA! Oh wow, this is just hilarious! Definitely moment to tell the future husband", and another horrified reader replied with: "Wow I thought that was a piece of bologna. I didn’t even know what a urinal cake was?!? So, so nasty!!! Now I wonder how many of these my 4 yr old has touched..."

Final Words

Facebook/Ashford Evans

Ashford got over her horrendous ordeal, eventually, and when she recounted the story later to her husband, he gagged at its revolting conclusion. It's not easy to raise three kids, and Ashford has our deepest sympathy. Ashford concludes her post with: "...here’s to kids being the most disgusting creatures ever to crawl the face of the earth.." and we'll join her in a toast to that!

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